Sunday, December 27, 2009

always on my mind

Maybe I didn't love you quite as good as I should have,
Maybe I didn't hold you quite as often as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.
Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you,
I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.
You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind,
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.
You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.
-pet shop boys

Tony knew he was getting closer. Funny, how he'd lost his way home. It was quite ridiculous. Perhaps he wasn't as sane as he thought he was. Maybe he never was. But he was coming home. Although, it felt quite strange, and he couldn't quite remember why he'd left to begin with.

His sister's damn fault. No less. It was all so sad. He couldn't even find a cigarette to keep him balanced. Really, he wasn't in the best of shape even if he looked it. What would Maxxie think when he saw him?

He drifted on. He felt himself peering in the doorway to the place they called home. Only, it was quite different from the shambles he'd left it. But wasn't it him who'd found themselves a place to squat? He was the one looking out for the both of wasn't he?

But what if Maxxie wasn't here? What if he moved on? Found a show? Gone abroad, somehow. No, Tony was sure he would have felt it. He would have. They had that sort of connection. He believed. Some of the time. When he felt like it. Like, right now. It couldn't just go up like smoke fading fast into the atmosphere or being  a part of this smoggy haven.

Had he found his way home? Really? He'd never know until he turned that knob and opened that door. Except it was locked. No one would let him in.

"What the fuck!" He kicked at the door then. Banging hadn't done much good with his fist. And when the door budged, he was met with some unknown face instead.

"You're not Maxxie." He squinted hard.

"Tony?" The mystery man said instead.

"Yeah, that's right? How did you know?" Tony looked around at the place that was quite new and so fetching.

"Tony?" Someone familiar said who was setting an extra plate at the table. Was that who he thought it was? Maxxie.

"Who in the fuck are you?" Tony thought he might collapse. What had they done to his Maxxie? Changed is hair? Made him up to be something he wasn't. Really, a foolish cause, indeed. Tony was swallowed in so much sadness. How in the world would he find what he'd missed so?

No comments: